It is never easy to go through a break up. You have to endure a never-ending cycle of pain everyday. An unexplainable kind of pain, going through all the vessels in your heart, as if you’re having a heart attack. How you’d wish it was really a heart attack, as it would’ve happened only once. But this pain will happen over and over again. And the main cause? Memories. It’s not cholesterol, bad diet or fatty food, it is the memories left behind and the memories of promises made never happening again. Nobody wants a heart attack, but nobody also wanted to have a heartbreak.
They say you are not human when you don’t experience pain. It is a reminder that you live and that you should learn from pain. But nobody deserves to be hurt, then again, this isn’t a perfect world, everyone is bound to be hurt. This is the time of your life where your view of the world changes; forever doesn’t exist, people around are “snakes”, people will get rid of you when it is convenient for them, and the worst one, love isn’t true. It is hard to get through everyday, but it is also tiring to be hurt all the time. It’s a matter of perspective, on how you would use the “pain” to “gain”. Yeah, yeah, you’ll tell me it’s easy for me to say, to advice people that “it’s gonna be okay”, “you’ll get over it”, “just be positive”, but I say to you, I’m in pain, too, I endure it everyday, and yes it is definitely hard, as if no one understands you, no one knows how painful it is to be left, and move on in life without that special someone. I know what pain feels like and it is annoying, it crushes the happy moments, it turns moments into blue, as if it is never ending. But my friend, from a person in pain to another, I say this to you, it will end. Just a little more patience. And I hope, in a small way, this simple formula I made would help you guys feel better, or yet, move on.
First, and most important, it is okay to cry.
The most important because you should never contain the emotions inside your heart. Let it out. If you have to cry out loud, do so. You will explode if you don’t, I tell you, and when it happens, it’s gonna be worse. Crying helps us to at least express the pain we feel and flush it out, alleviating the burden. It’s like riding amusement park rides, you scream when you’re scared, in this case, you cry when you’re hurt. It is normal, don’t prevent yourself from doing it. It is not a sign of weakness, rather it is a sign of strength, for you are very brave for admitting pain and letting go of the emotion.
Second, listen to music that supports your emotions
If you feel like crying or you want to cry more, listen to sad music. Again, this is therapeutic. Seriously. There are people who contain emotions so good, they’re having a hard time releasing it, and I can say listening to music that can make you cry helps a lot in reducing the burden you have in your heart. Making a playlist will do, too. Just a friendly reminder though, try to stay away from cheesy love songs. Yeah, you’ll cry, but that’s a different story, it’s not the “healthy” cry I’m suggesting. Believe me, I’ve been there. Also, it is important to listen to empowering songs. Songs that will give you confidence or probably will make you feel you’re the boss and you shouldn’t care about the past. Be the ring leader of your own circus and choose the perfect song to start and empower your day.
Third, make yourself busy, invest in your hobbies.
Very cliché, yes. But it is true. It helps a lot. Divert your mind. Instead of staring in blank space, and be confined in the corners of your room, stand up and do something. I know, it is hard to find inspiration. But you have to do this for yourself. It is hard at first, but once you set this as a goal for yourself, the next thing you know, your hobby becomes a habit and your heart’s desires are fulfilled, bringing happiness to your life. At least you’ll see that for once in your life, you won’t need other people to make you happy. Only you can support and help yourself. And little by little, as you keep yourself preoccupied, you’ll just realize that the pain is diminishing, or in the long run, it’s all gone and you’re left with endless opportunities because of the dedication you have with the things you love. May it be with photography, writing, charity work, shopping, travelling, or whatever. Spend time and be productive. The world is a big place and there are still a lot more things to discover around you and yourself.
Fourth, have more time with family and friends.
This vary in some cases. There are people who aren’t close with their families, or maybe there are some who doesn’t have a lot of friends (I feel you), but you’ll get the point. Your family will always be there for you, that is one of the revelations I had in my life. I’ve neglected my family then I realized, as people leave in my life, they’re the only ones staying. Not just because they have no choice, but they are meant to be there no matter what. It is like a message to our faces that no matter what we do we can’t get rid of them. Remember, as you grow old, your parents and siblings grow old, too. During heartbreak, this is the best time to make it up with family members, invest time with them. people will leave you, but your family will always be there. Same as with your friends. They have this belief that when someone starts to get a “love life”, they tend to forget friends. Always remember that friends are like second family. Whether you have love life or none, they are just one call away, and they are always there to listen to your dumbest jokes, to your dumbest problems. Yes you can still socialize when you are heart-broken, try to meet new people, too. When you invest time in your hobbies, there will be times you get to meet new people along the way. Don’t be scared to let people enter your life, as they say, as people leave, new people will come. But don’t be too overwhelmed, control yourself. You meet people not to replace what was broken, rather to expand your social network.
Fifth, and the last one, be independent and liberated.
Yes, it is important to socialize, but also, it is your priority to do things your way. Start doing things alone, not because you are a loner, but because you are on the process of healing. As I mentioned, you don’t need others to complete you, you have to be independent and prove to yourself you can do things on your own. Be free from the need of being accepted by the society. You have to accept yourself first, accept your abilities and capabilities. Show the world you can walk using your own feet, and not being dependent to others. You don’t need a man, or a woman, to complete you. You have your friends, your family, and yourself, and that is enough. How can you love others if you don’t know how to love yourself? Start taking care of yourself and be a better version of you. Maybe, the reason you experienced pain is to remind you that there is something wrong in your life and you need it corrected, and that starts within you. Change, be positive and be a good influence for others.
I’m not saying that this formula I have is the most effective, but rather this is a stepping stone. There is no perfect way to overcome heartbreak and pass the moving on stage. Some people have longer moving on periods, it takes them years, but for some just weeks or months, good for them. But there is no instant answer to heartbreak, it all takes hard work, patience and perseverance. These steps may work for you, or may not, but at least you tried. Always remember, it is your purpose that matters, do it for yourself, not to brag or show people how “better” you are at moving on.
Aside from change, pain is also constant in this world. It’s inevitable. No one can say when it will happen, or how long you have to endure, but what’s important is your attitude towards it. Being in pain makes us weak, that’s why it is important to fix ourselves from the inside, because our selves are also our internal support. How can people help you if you yourself don’t want to help yourself? It is never too late to be happy again. There are a million reasons to move on and have a better life, and it starts today. The world is cruel, it’s true, and the future is vague, very unpredictable, but as long as you have a strong heart, you will survive. I tell you my friend, the ultimate secret of moving on and enduring heartbreak, is being in pain everyday. And once you learn to manipulate pain, you, my friend, are a survivor.