The Great Unknown

I always hear people say “Don’t be afraid of the unknown”. I didn’t get what they mean, until today.

The past two years have really been a great challenge for me. There’s been tests on relationships, finances, politics, health, even on social media, the list will just go on. Every day seems to be a test, and it won’t stop. When things seem to be calm, something will come up that will disrupt your mind, it’s insane. It’s like the world is playing your head, that it wants to make sure that you’re preoccupied on something or that you’re worrying a lot. And I’m tired of that, I just want to live happily like everybody else.

This year, the world world was struck by the COVID-19 pandemic. Everybody is affected, young and old, rich or poor, employees or entrepreneurs, name it. In a way, everybody’s lives changed since this pandemic started. And I was just cool with it at first. I thought maybe this is what the world needed, a cleansing from pollution we created. Numbers of people dying then started to go high, establishments closed, employees losing jobs, people losing sources of income. It was a disaster. People were dying because of the illness, but some are dying because of hunger and homelessness. And I’m one of those people luckily sitting at home, working from home, resting when I needed and still have a lot of food to eat. I thought, I was blessed because I have everything I needed. I’m not scared because I know I am secure.

It’s actually easier to Work from Home (WFH), it’s something I hoped for, for every job I had. You don’t have to experience the struggle of coming in to work, standing in line for an hour, squeezing yourself inside an overloaded train, standing in the middle of the highway with hundreds of people just to wait for one bus to pick everyone up, or waiting for an hour for a jeepney to come. It was hell. Whether you work nightshifts or regular schedules, commuting was a nightmare. I’ve been working in Makati for two years now and it hasn’t changed since 2010. Such a disgrace. So when we were given the opportunity to do WFH, I was really pumped, I don’t have to stress myself anymore. I get to be paid, working while I’m home, not needing to endure the stress of commute, it was a dream come true.I have been telling people, even before this pandemic, that WFH is definitely the solution of this crazy traffic in the metro. Everything’s almost the same, I’ve been still very productive and efficient as I was in the office, of course I didn’t want to let the management think that WFH was a disadvantage so I really needed to surpass what I did in the office, and I think I did. It was more convenient editing videos, internet was A LOT faster, no stress because you don’t feel the pressure, you’re just right at home, and overtime wasn’t painful because you’re also relaxing at home while still doing work. Now that’s what I call heaven!

So when I said some businesses were closing and employees were losing jobs, I didn’t say that the company I am working for is an exception, we weren’t. Sad news came that for our company to continue operating, and instead of laying off employees, they have to cut down our salary up to 50%. And sadly, the nightmare that I thought was long gone came back, but it was different. All of a sudden, I wanted the stress of commuting to come back, instead of having the stress of financial losses. Hearing this news was a disaster because I am one of those people who rely on their work, to get paid, and to pay the bills. The only 50% off I want is on my shopping list, not on my paycheck, and that’s really insane! I don’t have any sidelines, I don’t have any part-time jobs, I don’t have insurance, I don’t have investments, heck I don’t even have an HMO. So what will happen to me? I am worried about my colleagues, too, because I know this is their only source of income, but I worry about myself, too. Will I still be able to pay our bills? Will I still be able to save up for my future? Will I still be able to provide for myself and my family? Since I have less income, how will I divide finances with my partner? In the event of an illness, will I be able to pay it off? If there’s an emergency, do I have enough funds to pay for it? What if we ran out of food, do I have enough budget to go to the grocery? Ah, then it hit me, so this is the fear of the “unknown”.

When someone opens up about their problems, I always say “Let’s cross the bridge when we get there.” But with my situation now, I may not be able to even reach the bridge. So I kept asking myself, what did I do wrong? Did I choose the wrong company? Did I neglect my needs on investment? Was I negligent to even think about my future? Was I too irresponsible with my finances? Well I guess I did, who else am I going to blame, right? But blaming won’t really solve the matter, even regrets won’t turn back time or pay my bills. I really feel sad, I do. Sometimes I want to cry because I know, companies today are not really hiring people that much, it means there are less opportunities to be employed or find other options for financial stability. This pandemic did really hit hard, it’s hard to go out, it’s hard to find a job, it’s hard to find opportunities, which means you are stuck with where you are. It feels hopeless really. And most of the time, I just feel that there’s no future ahead of me in this pandemic. It’s tragic.

So how do I change my future? Well, the future is always uncertain. Whatever happens then, is the result of your actions now. Will you just put your guard down and give up, or will you stand up and do something? This trying time made me think and reflect on what I can do to better my future, instead of just contemplating on what I did in the past. And I have to act now, or else everything else will fall apart. The future is uncertain, it’s true, that’s the great unknown. You fear the unknown because you don’t know what’s ahead, but the real fear is the fear of instability, the fear of losing your job, losing your loved ones, and so on. I think it’s time to see the “unknown” as an advantage, you don’t know yet what’s coming, so be prepared. Do something about it. The future is not yet stated, and you can still change it, be the best of what you can be. Do what you love, start writing, start making vlogs, practice what you’ve been longing for, maximize the internet, it’s what we have now most of the time this pandemic. And your mind and creativity is the limit. Do something that your heart desires, and there will be no regrets, because it’s not what you wanted, not what the society has dictated. I guess the main thing that this pandemic has taught me is that we should start doing what we desire so that in the future, when we look back, we know that we did all we can to be happy and and use it as your driving force to fight for your dreams.

Maybe you don’t really have to cross the bridge when you get there, you just have to find your path to the bridge first so you can cross, right? And maybe find other means to cross to the other side. It’s not always the bridge you need, but yourself. And you control your capabilities on “how to cross a bridge”. And that “path” or “other means” represent many things, it may be your skills, encouragement from people around you, the internet, your ideas, or maybe your heart. Who knows. The world is changing, and everything in it is evolving. And who knows what lies in the future? Nobody does. You have to live in the present, what can you do to make today worth it so that your future is something you wanted? Take the risk, take chances, never miss an opportunity, it will change the course of your life forever. Start today and don’t be afraid to make mistakes, everybody has to start somewhere, you have to make your first step so you can reach your destination.