Mystery Of Love

They say love moves in mysterious ways, and it did.

Over the past few weeks, I have been troubled with pain and suffering, not just in love, but in a lot of different aspects in my life – financial, personal, family, and career. It’s hard to explain how it feels when you go through a lot of things at the same time especially when your heart is broken. You feel you want to cry because of heartbreak, but then you remember your pain and troubles for another thing and the swirl of emotions go on for the whole day, for seven days, for several weeks. I personally didn’t know what to do, both my mind and my heart are troubled, I didn’t know If I can make it. I’ve thought of doing bad things to myself to end suffering, but friends that kept me company reminded me of my purpose and why I should keep on going; harming myself will just make things worse. Then I realized, is this really what I want for myself? Is this really what I’m destined to be? Is this really what the heavens want me to do to myself?

I was helpless, it’s true. Giving fake smiles, laughing while trying to conceal pain, denying music because it gives more pain, crying in the middle of work, blankly staring the wall for minutes, uneasy feeling, impatience, all of these trouble me for days and it is very hard. I’m trying to get myself together but my mental state won’t help me and I didn’t know how to help myself, but of course I thought I needed to do one thing to at least to divert negative thoughts, that’s when I reached out to read a book, Under Cover by John Bevere. At first I was hesitant to read this as I have removed spirituality in my life, but I thought maybe I needed this. Eventually, the first few pages made me busy and did divert my thoughts in focusing to reading the book.

I learned a lot of things, it made me realize that I have a lot of shortcomings with my relationship with Yoda, I lost the concept of obedience and honesty. Yoda easily gave me his trust and freewill to do things, making sure he won’t be hurt. But I kept things secret and became partially obedient. The book taught me that betraying is caused by unrecognized authority, in this case, Yoda. I was supposed to simply follow basic rules in a relationship but I failed to do so, for so many times. He was forgiving, eventually I pushed him out of his limits. Another mistake I made is partial disobedience, that “almost complete” or 99% obedience is not complete or wholistic obedience at all. In a relationship, you should give your all, surrender yourself and reciprocate what your other half gives you. In any relationship, anything incomplete or partial will cause pain, and transparency is a must; no secrets, no hidden activities.

As I was trying to get up from the huge fall, another mishap happened in my life, some personal and private photos of mine eventually made its way onto the internet. I was skeptic at first, but I saw it myself, and several of my friends did, too. All the energy I gained, all the confidence and hope, gone! In just a few pictures posted I felt small, naked in everyone’s eyes. I felt worthless. One post mentioned “karma”. So I thought, maybe is this the consequence of all the pain and disobedience I did to Yoda, maybe I deserved this? That maybe, this is where I’ll end up to be. That maybe, I’m the guy who will forever be this dirty and low. To my surprise, Yoda came and rescued me. He called me up to check what’s happening, he knew about the pictures. He comforted me. He was scared for me. I felt that his voice was shaking and that he is very much angry to whoever posted it. We then went to see each other. He said that no one’s supposed to hurt me. I felt that after all the pain I caused him, after all the betrayal and disobedience, he was there to save me, he was there to protect me. I didn’t deserve that, but I was grateful. He hugged me, and I felt safe. I felt I was in the arms of the man who will shield me from all the pain. I see a man torn and broken, holding another man who is torn and broken. Two broken hearts who came together and became whole again, with all the scars as remembrance of their past, and guide for their future together. I felt his love, his love protected me and brought back hope and confidence in my life.

Love is mysterious, indeed. In one second you’re in pain, then will feel heaven in another. I can’t express how much happiness and gratefulness I have in my heart now. I wanted to be reunited with him of course, but with all the circumstances that have happened, I really never thought he will still choose me. I was an a***ole, it’s true. I f**ked up. I gave him incredible pain, but he still loved me. He still took a shot, he chose to take another risk with me, and I didn’t deserve that. In all my life, I have never felt that someone would love me like this, unconditional, that regardless of the pain we both felt, especially with what I did to him, that he will still come back to me and entrust his heart to me. This time, I am sure I know what to do. He is still scared, I know, but all this time that we spent away from each other, I know to myself I learned a lot of things; things that will help me become a better person and a better lover. It’s just simply being honest and obedient, that no matter what happens, in everything you do, you always think “will this affect my partner?”. That in every situation, you have to remember what your partner will feel if you do/don’t do something. It’s the small things that matter, then the big picture will be whole.

The mystery of love will always be there, but always remember that the power of love has also its limits. You have to work hard, give your all and be the best reflection of who your partner is and what your partner wants. Because love is more than just pleasing your other half, most importantly, it is about surrendering yourself and protecting his heart all at the same time. Always choose love, and in love, you should always choose to bring out the best in you and your other half.


Expectations VS Reality

Of course, just like most people, I always expect for the best to happen. But in reality, it doesn’t always seem to be that way.

We’ve been apart for so many weeks now and every day away from you seems like years. I’m missing you badly. And each day that comes, I secretly have this expectation that you’ll probably text me or that you miss me or think me, because that’s how I feel. But these expectations break me more because I know, in reality, you won’t text me. I do hope you think of me, that you worry how my day was and miss my hugs like I do with you. We’re still recovering, I know, but, of course, I still want to be part of that recovery.

I’ve been selfish, even now I can still say I am. I do stupid things and expect that you will appreciate them. But they’re stupid in reality, foolish indeed. I don’t know, maybe in this foolishness you will see that I have the heart to not stop loving you, but yeah, in reality it’s not that way, I feel you’re hating me more. I feel helpless because I want to do something, but I’m tied because I know in reality, I don’t really know what to do.

Days pass, and my expectations continue to break and haunt me. I want to know, do you miss me? Do you think of me? Do I, somehow, make you smile? Do you feel cold alone when you sleep at night? Is there still a part of me that’s in your heart? Is your door still open for me? Because me, I will answer yes to all these questions. I don’t need you because we’re apart or because we have this problem, I need you because you are a part of my life, because you are the half of my heart, because I love you.  I have been dishonest and I’ve hurt you, but these past few months I’ve been real and honest and transparent. You won’t believe me but I dedicated my life, I even prepared myself to live with you because I can’t afford to lose you. I moved my life for you, because I want to live a life with struggles and joy with you.

You told me your time during work made you think better and deeper about us, but one thing I can say to you, everytime I go home early and you’re still working, all I think  about is you. I wait for you to go home while I play my mobile games, I have never opened a conversation with anyone because I learned my lesson. You always even tell me when you get home, “are you happy with that game?” because that’s really all I do when until you get home. I have never spoken to anyone, my usual contacts are my mom and Kristina and some of our friends that you know. And ever since, I have boasted you to everyone even to my workmates, even when we were still looking for a job. After June, I was penniless, I felt like an imbecile. I didn’t afford to give you a good anniversary, I wasn’t even able to buy you a present for your birthday. I can’t afford anything. Maybe you felt that I wasn’t doing any effort, but I was doing something at least to show my gratitude and love for you. Probably they are clouded with pain and anger, but since then, I’m doing my best to prove myself to you over and over. I’m not just giving you “mabubulaklak na salita”, but those words are true and from my heart. I’m not asking you to believe me, but at least see through that it’s real.

In reality, you’re not gonna believe that, you’re not even going to read this worthless blog about you. Who am I to ask you to. I’m a worthless partner. I expected that I was good, that I was doing all that makes you happy, but I didn’t know that you were still in pain. Had I known, I had done something, we could’ve talked about it, we could’ve mend it together. But I was naive and selfish. Now you’re drifting away, and I don’t know what to do. Please tell me to come back, please spend more nights with me, please give me another chance. Or yet, just let me show you and prove that I am true.  I really can’t fight this pain without you.

I’m not in pain and lonely because you’re gone, I’m going through this because I’m missing half of me, because I am incomplete without you, and that is the reality.

I Miss You

Each morning that pass, I think of you. Always.

It feels empty when I sleep in my bed and you’re not there. It seems like there is a missing piece. I miss your laugh, I miss your smile, I miss when you talk about strangest things, and things you’ve already mentioned before, most importantly I miss your hugs. I miss the times that when you come home, I hug you and bring down your things talk about how your day went. I also miss doing nothing with you, while were playing Netflix on the TV, watching either How to Get Away with Murder or The Big bang Theory, and you’re playing with your Clash Royale mobile game. I miss when we take selfies together and you start to make face, I miss your cute reactions and energetic moves. You radiate positivity, that’s why I love you.

No words can express how much I feel alone and empty right now. Every moment that come by me, I wish you were with me. When I go to places we’ve never been together, I wish you were there with me. When I see our favorite fishball-an at home, I wish you were with me eating there as I know you would enjoy it. When I download new and fun games that I know you would enjoy, how I wish I could show it to you so you can try them and laugh while enjoying. When I sleep alone at night, cold in my bed, I wish you’re beside me, every night, keeping me warm and company, as  feel alone and empty; as I feel I am as if a nameless creature ready to disappear in the depths of the night, longing for your love.

These are not sweet words, rather these are sorrows from my heart, genuine pain that I feel now you’re away. We don’t talk, we don’t text, we don’t message each other. I don’t now how. I feel that everything I do, it will still make you feel uncomfortable and maybe drift further away from me. I hope this time that we’re away from each other, you are okay. I hope that you are eating and sleeping well. I hope that you work well in your company. I hope you still have time to think about me. I hope you miss me, too, because I really miss you a lot.

It’s 6am here in Bayleaf, Intramuros, and I’m missing you beside me. How I wish that you are here with me to spend this beautiful morning. It’s a great weather, it’s a great view outside the window, it’s a great place to hang out and have a good time, the only thing’s missing is you.

When do you know when it’s too much?

People have varying levels of patience. I, for example, am both patient and impatient. Weird, I know, but I can wait for my friend to come even if he/she is 5 hours late, but can’t wait for someone taking too long in the ATM; or maybe I can stand in line waiting for a bus for 2 hours, but can’t wait for my turn in the cashier at the groceries. I admire people who have overflowing amounts of patience, but sometimes I also admire myself for having this capacity to wait for a very long time. But, when can you say that you’re wasting time, that you’re waiting in vain? That it’s already too much?

Priorities, that’s one key. If it is important to you, no matter how long you wait, you’ll have the patience, the courage and the strength to do it. I remember when I went to college in 2007, I wasn’t really a good student back then. I was full of pride, I felt above most of my peers, I even cut classes just to do what I want. But this opportunity to study was taken away from me, my family had a financial crisis and I had to stop schooling and worked at an early age of 19. Of course, I was disappointed with my family and to myself. Had I been a good student, I could’ve afforded to be a scholar, or probably had I known we’re going to have problems I tried to be a working student while there was a chance. There were a lot of what ifs and what could’ve beens. Eventually, I learned to accept the fact that I need to focus on helping my family financially and that education can wait. And I did wait. After 6 years since I stopped, I had the opportunity to go back to the same school, the same school I neglected, abused and took advantaged for nothing. I went back with all smiles and high hopes that it will be a glorious chapter in my life. I can say, it was worth the wait.

That’s the great feeling when you wait for something, and then have the chance to grab it, you feel a lot of emotions like gratitude, excitement, victory; it’s an overflow of feelings. It also matters that when you wait for something,  you should work hard for it, so it will be worth it. Some skeptics may say that for some people, things come easily, and it’s true. You will know the value of waiting for something when you know you poured your all to it. If it just came to you in a snap, it means it’s not really something that will be relevant to your life, you know. Before a company becomes a success, a businessman must wait for several months, or even years to make his business grow. A parent waits for his/her child to grow up and be successful, on the process, he/she spends a lot of money and hardwork just to send them in school. Even friends don’t have all the time in a week and patiently waits for each other to be available to be together. In between, there’s always going to be conflict, there’s going to be a rough path. Patience will always be tested. Your beliefs will be shut down, haters will say your goal is baseless and impossible. But you have to fight for it. When people say that it’s not going to happen, prove them wrong, show them what you can do, show them what you’re made of. Show them that the man who once was impatiently waiting in line for the ATM eventually made it and had the chance to use the machine. Show them that the man who impatiently waited at the groceries had his chance to be assisted. Show them that despite all the imperfections and faults you’ve done to him, you are still there standing firm, patiently waiting for him to be okay. Proving that the word you gave him is true and that you are living up to it. Making sure he is happy wherever he is, while you glance at him far away, whispering how proud you are and that you are just there for him, waiting, no matter what happens.

The ultimate enemy is what your mind says about you. Can you really do it? Can you really prove yourself? Can you really wait? People will say nasty things about you to turn you down and misalign you to your goals, but only you yourself can empower your mind to do what’s impossible. If you don’t support your mindset, everything else will follow, it will crumble and fall down like a weak building with no support. In recent days, I can say that my mind has played me, one day I’m okay, the next day I’m not, and I don’t know how to manage that. It’s hard to go through a breakup, especially when you don’t want to lose your partner, or when you know that there’s still something you can do but there’s no more chance. They say just give time and space, then I said I will be patient, I will wait no matter what. Most people think I’m stupid, that it’s too much and that I am wasting time. But I have a purpose, it’s Love. It’s cliché, but yes, love endures all. Love may not always be reciprocated, but there is nothing wrong when love is genuine. I choose to wait for a lot of reasons, but the most prevalent one is that I don’t want to lose him and I want to make him happy and love him no matter what because he deserves it. I told him, wherever you are, whoever you’re going to be with, whatever your plans in the future or for how many years to come, I will be patient and I will wait for you, I will wait for him to have his heart healed and be whole again, and hopefully, he will still choose me. I can only be positive on this one, but the future is always uncertain I know. Yes, it’s too much, I know I’m wasting my time dwelling, but I will also use this opportunity to be a better person, and a better lover. And hopefully, when the time comes that he is ready, that I am really hoping he will be ready and available for me as destiny would allow, we can piece together our patched-but-loving hearts and start over, using as a guide whatever happened to us in the past and have a better future together.

And yes, I will wait.

I F**ked Up

I’ve been in a relationship for more than a year now. And we “broke up” last Monday. We were “okay” the day prior so it took me by surprise that he wanted to let go. I said “okay” because we were fine, but he was cold. I thought he was just busy from all the stress and workload he had in the office. But it was me all along, I am the reason he wanted to let go.

Over a year ago, I met him at school. We were schoolmates, actually classmates in our accounting subject. He was cute, he stood out from everyone else. He had his own style and he was confident with himself. But I ignored him, maybe he wasn’t interested. And hey, I’m in school to study so I wanted to make sure I get good grades in my accounting class so I focused. When the semester ended, I took the chance to maybe get to know him. We ended up talking for hours during our break, you were just speaking for hours. I was amazed how interested he was in knowing me, and how interesting he was as well.

Eventually, he made the first move and said he liked me, and he didn’t want anything in return from me. And that hit me. He’s a nice guy and I told myself, “why not try?”. I mean, I was single that time, I deserved to date someone. And it was almost our semestral break so there was nothing else to do, besides me going to summer classes. I remember one time we had dinner in a “sisig” place, I also remember playing computer games with him all day. We ended up needing to go home late at night, and asked him if maybe I can stay for a while in his place so we can bond more. He was hesitant but he then agreed and brought me to his place.

He apologized because he said his place was a mess, but it wasn’t. I told him in sarcasm that my place is more of a mess than theirs. He had a nice comfy bed, he had  a lot of books, his bed was beside the window, I think I remember he also had Christmas lights. It was a warm and comforting place to stay. I felt overwhelmed, eventually i was beside him in his bed, he was so close to me that we hugged. I felt the spark, I felt his warm embrace, I felt that I wouldn’t want to let him go. I wanted to kiss him, and when my lips went closer to his, he hesitated. He said with a smile that it was his first time, and I answered back with confusion, “is it for real?”. I asked a few times, and he nodded. And I told myself, “am I good for him?”. Am I supposed to be the guy that will embrace him forever? Does he deserve someone so broken and imperfect like me? Honestly, I got scared and I wanted to stop whatever we had. Because I don’t know how to handle someone like him, someone so innocent, so pure. I was afraid that I might break his heart, in this world full of lies and deceit.

He wanted to pursue me, I ended up going with the flow. I was so complacent that he liked me, that I abused his feelings for me. I often joked that he was busy with someone else, or that he doesn’t prioritize me and all. I was insensitive, I was already very insensitive in this point. I offended him very very much, and he ended up not speaking to me anymore. For several days, I felt empty and guilty. I broke his heart. I had to make a move, I had to do something. I realized how much he meant to me and that I need him. I professed my feelings to him and asked him to be my boyfriend, to be officially mine. He said yes, it marked the beginning of a happy adventure with him. Well, it was supposed to be fun.

Was I complacent again? Or maybe I was too abusive emotionally? I don’t know. All I know was I think I was really immature and I didn’t know how to value him seriously. Maybe because I was juggling a lot of things; business, academics, hobbies, career and love. Maybe I felt some kind of Euphoria in my head. Maybe I felt I was in cloud 9 that I could do anything. May be I felt that I was a king that I cheated, yes I did; I cheated on him countless times. And he was disgusted, it broke his world, ultimately it broke his heart. People have different versions of “cheating”, this time it wasn’t even physical. At that time I felt I wasn’t doing it, but again, I was insensitive, and it was an alarming meaning for him. I thought I was gonna lose him, I begged for him to forgive me. He slammed me, he told me how much he has sacrificed and given just to stay in this relationship. He stayed, I was lucky he stayed, but I kept on breaking his heart every single day. I was an as***le. I was too complacent, insensitive, immature, I was a big disappointment. But I kept on forcing him to stay with me, to not let go, without me knowing his true feelings. Without me knowing that he was really weak and battered inside. I was selfish, and he was right, I was just thinking of myself without considering what he really needs.

We’ve been in a relationship for more than a year now. And I f**ked up, he asked me to break up with him last Monday. He said that he is tired to hold on, that he needs to think of himself, that I should give him this chance as he have given me countless of times. I guess, I was right, I was nothing but a loser who will just break his heart. He wasn’t the one at fault, it was all on me. I was to blame. Now it’s too late.

Now I ask you, to the person reading this, do you believe in countless chances? It is worth it to give someone another chance after hurting you so much, after he changed how you perceive the world? After he changed how you perceive love? After he made you realize that no one can be trusted? That even when you’re beside him he can easily cheat on you? If you were him, would you forgive me?

I know I’m too late, but I will not stop loving him. I will fight for him. I know there is still a small spark that I just have to ignite. But am I still enough? Am I still what he needs to fuel the flame? I will never know unless I do something, and I have to take my chances. I can’t afford to lose him. Yes it’s too late, but you can never cross the river if you don’t swim. One step at a time, and soon our hearts will be one again.

Britney Live In Manila: The Experience



IMG_6306It was one of the best days in my life, the most magical for 2017! It was unbelievable, I have never thought in my entire life, that one day, it will be possible for me to see Britney live in Manila! Being a fan since 1998, I knew she has never been in the Philippines, maybe because, first, the Filipinos can’t afford her nor the organizers, and second, the concert venues in our country were relatively small compared to her large production in all of her concerts. She has rain, bungee jumping, moving platforms, raising bars and cages, huge wings and trees, large props in her concert that I imagine would never fit even in Araneta Colisuem, which was the biggest here back in the day.

But this year, everything has changed! Stars have lined up for us, the Filipino army, to see our one and only Pop Princess, Britney Spears!

My day started when I woke up early in the morning for class, I was excited, really, and never thought of anything but to just finish the day so I can go and start preparing for the concert. At school, I can’t focus, I was just too excited and I can’t even share it to anybody (I am an irregular student, so sadly no friends! Haha).

IMG_6257When my classes ended, I hurriedly went back home to change and prepare. I plugged my phone to our surround system to give me more hype! “My Prerogative” started playing and I’m super energized! I even took a video of me taking my “Britney Concert Ticket” out from a vault! Haha! I Wore a “somehow” Britney-inspired outfit, it was her dancer’s look from her music video “Till The World Ends”. I was wearing a leather jacket, sadly we are in a tropical country so I had to face the struggles of climate change in my country.

I arrived early for the concert, and of course, I’ve met my Britney Army friends, we took pictures and some of them were given a chance to be interviewed for the news. I was justIMG_6231 ecstatic and can’t belive in just a few hours the concert will start. The lobby of MOA Arena played “Slumber Party” over and over and added over my excitement! There were also a lot of fun activities before the concert. Bench had photobooths, where you have to stand in-line and wait for your turn to be shot at some Britney-inspired backdrops like “…Baby One More Time”‘s school hallway and “Oops!… I Did It Again”‘s Mars landing. Smart Communications also gave away some Britney posters to some concert-goers who were Smart subscribers. Luckily I got one ;).

wowIMG_6276Around 8am, people were already allowed to go inside the stadium. AND I WAS FREAKING OUT AS I SAW HER STAGE! IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND HUGE! There were also a lot of people. I saw a lot of celebrities and had the opportunity to take pictures with Bailey May. I also saw Sarah Lahabti, Richard and Raymond Gutierrez, Tim Yap, Phil Younghusband and Lovi Poe. Some of my friends saw Vice Ganda, KC Concepcion, Kisses Delavin and Dominic Roque. The house wasn’t full by 8am, but coming close to 8:30pm, as the concert started, we were jam-packed!

newIMG_6368Lights went out all of a sudden, and music started, it was a remixed intro of “Work B**ch”. Of course I know! AND EVERYONE, INCLUDING ME, STARTED FREAKING OUT! THE DANCERS CAME OUT AND STARTED THEIR ROUTINE, IT WAS INTENSE! THEN THEY STOPPED AND LOOKED TO THEIR LEFT, LIGHTS WENT OUT AGAIN, AND HOLY SGRAFSJAS!!!! BRITNEY SPEARS SHOWED UP IN THE SPOTLIGHT! I WAS CRYING! TEARS WERE ROLLING DOWN MY FACE! I CAN’T BELIEVE I WAS SEEING THIS LEGENDARY PERFORMER IN FRONT OF ME! I CAN’T BELIEVE I WAS SINGING ALONG WITH HER! IT WAS OVERWHELMING! I’m still having tears in my eyes now, as I am typing, still having the same emotions as I saw her the first time. Truly magical, how I wished it never ended.

She then next performed some of her songs, “Womanizer”, “Me Against The Music” and “Gimme More”. I’m just amazed at how she can quickly change costumes, like, “Girl, do you just take off your bra and quickly wear a new one in front of your staff?” Like howIMG_6405 does she do it! I’m so amazed! People went insane when she performed a medley of “…Baby One More Time” and “Oops!… I Did It Again”, of course, these songs have a cult following and they stapled her to her legendary status today. She also performed her new songs from her recent album, “Glory”, such as “Do You Wanna Come Over”, “Make Me…” and “Slumber Party”. She also did amazing performances of some fan favorites like “I’m A Slave 4 U”, “If U Seek Amy”, and “Piece of Me” where everyone, with all their energy, screamed the line “SNEAK AWAY INTO THE PHILIPPINES”!

whewOne lucky fan was also invited to get up the stage to play with Britney during her “Freakshow” performance. She does this to her every tour, as well in her Vegas residency. She always gives a signed shirt to her fans who joined her, including this one who joined her in her Manila Tour. Sadly, there were rumors that the freakshow guy lost the shirt Britney gave her, I would kill just to have that shirt and he unbelievably lost it.

IMG_6424It also gives me chills and warm sensation when I remember Britney saying “what’s up Manila?” most of the tour! I love it when she says my City! Makes it feel more real! My friends say she gets more energized and hyped when we cheer for her! “Toxic” and her medley of “Crazy” and “Stronger” had the loudest cheers. It also means the concert was coming to an end, I can’t believe how fast it was! She said her thanks and her goodbyes to us and all the lights went off. We thought it already ended. But then the crowd cheered “Britney! Britney!”, and it was once of the best moments of the concert. The Philippines wanted more! And, of course, I knew she was still coming out with one final song, but it was just a great feeling to play along with crowd. And when she went out saying “Do you want more, Manila?” and started performing a medley of “Till The World Ends” and “Work B**ch”, I knew it was ending, so I enjoyed the final song with all my energy and all my heart. My friends said she was teary eyed as it was ending. Her dancers even mentioned that the Philippines was their best audience ever since their shows begun! I’M SO AMAZED! IT WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE! I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS!

IMG_6437I’m not ashamed that I am getting emotional while typing this, because it is true, she’s a big part of my life and I just wished her show never ended. She’s not just a performer, but an inspiration to me and to many people. We grew up with her. When everybody went out of the stadium, everyone was singing along with some of her songs like “Lucky”, “Sometimes” and “…Baby One More Time”, truly an ICON! People will say, Britney is over and a has-been, but I say to them, no other artist has ever been appreciated by the Filipino crowd like this! A has-been will never have a sold out concert and will never have fans wanting for more!

The concert has ended but my love for her will remain, forever. I may never see her again. Who knows, she might retire, or might just focus on her American audience, IIMG_6498 don’t know. But one thing’s for sure, one item has been checked off my bucket list, and I am very much happy and contented. Everytime I watch the videos I captured during the concert, I still cry and get emotional. You can’t blame me, I’m a fan. And she’s not just some random singer, she’s been through a lot and showed the people she can rise despite all the struggles, a true example to her peers and to her fans. She’s a survivor, a phoenix who rose from the ashes. A waste of money? No I don’t think so. It was all worth it. Seeing her breakdown in public and now making it back in her best form, was totally worth the wait and the price. Oops! I guess she did it again, making an impact to a lot of people and leaving behind an inspiration to never stop dreaming and that dreams do come true. 🙂

My short vlog about the concert:


Britney: Live In Concert (TODAY!)


Today, June 15, 2017, at the MOA Arena, marks Britney Spears’ first concert in the Philippines. Not just her first concert, by the way, but her first time walking on the lands of our majestic country! She has mentioned our country, the Philippines, in her 2007 hit “Piece Of Me”, where she said she will “sneak away into the Philippines”, and indeed, it has happened. And may I just say, THE QUEEN HAS ARRIVED!

I have been a fan since 1998, I was 8 years old. But I wasn’t a hardcore fan then, I was just a casual one. I just know her song, “…Baby One More Time”, but I don’t know her, nor her name. Kids will normally sing catchy tunes, you know, it’s innate to children. 1And kids will normally sing this song of hers or (You Drive Me) Crazy, teen girls will then sing Sometimes or Born To Make You Happy. She became an institution, an emerging pop culture to teenagers by the end of the 90s. I grew up knowing her and following her acts. We weren’t rich so MTV wasn’t always my option. The channel Vid-ok (Araw Gabi, Sing-along Party), the predecessor of Myx, was my go-to channel to watch Britney videos as they always have her in their countdown. All her videos are always number one, the music was boring when she isn’t featured.

Untitled2000 was a turning point for her and for me as a fan. Her fame was bigger than ever, hits after hits. Then 2001 VMAs came, she was draped with a snake. I fell more in love with her. She was beautiful, talented and fierce. No one understood me. When you are a Britney fan, people tagged you as gay, corny, baduy or no taste. People started to dislike her because she turned to have a sexy image at a young age. But I didn’t stop, because she is very very interesting. The first CD that I had was her “Oops!… I Did It Again” album, but when we moved it got lost. So my mom bought me another, her 3rd album “Britney”, but a pirated version, since this era had a rampant issue on piracy. I would play this CD all day and never got tired of it.

10734194_952736874755659_4948894766860639126_nYears passed, then Toxic came out. People loved her again as it had a very out of this world video, the music was ahead of its time and it was Britney Spears like no one has seen her before. She was edgy, she was on point, she was on fire! Her music and her face was all over the world again and she was stapled to be a household name. Around 2004-2005, I remember my mom wanted me to work for her, for a summer job, at her Travel Agency office and she will pay me. And guess what, I bought original Britney CDs when I got the money! A DVD, VCD and cassettes, and that’s not all, I wanted to complete all her albums so I bought “…Baby One More Time”, “Oops!… I Did it Again”, “B in the Mix: The Remixes” and “In The Zone”. I was a happy kid. It was a perfect moment for me.

2007 was a different story, though. It was the toughest. People started judging her, hating her, again. They called her names. But I was defending her. I felt her pain, that she wanted to break free. Everyday was scary because I thought we were gonna lose her. But 5she was tough. Despite all the challenges, she chose to release an album and the singles “Gimme More”, “Piece of me” and “Break the Ice”. That’s when she sang “sneak away into the Philippines”, and that’s when I had hope for her. I saw that she wanted to make more music, and in 2008, she made a proper comeback with her album “Circus”. She promoted first in Europe and I saw that fire again in her eyes. I cried while she was performing “Womanizer” in X Factor UK. THE BRITNEY I GREW UP WITH IS BACK. I saw again a future of her staying relevant across many generations, as an inspiration and as a performer.

Untitled1As a Britney fan, I felt I was the only one loving her, the only one who followed her. Then I stumbled upon a group of people in who have similar interests with me, Britney Spears! The camaraderie grew and we formed “Pinoys Heart Britney”, a group of Filipino Britney fans who devoted themselves to Britney, and wished she would sneak away into the Philippines! It was fun! Every year. we would gather and 7bcelebrate the icon that is Britney. We would share to everyone our collection, our frustrations about her and our wishes of seeing her performing live. When I was in hard times and had to sell my Collection due to financial problems, PHB helped me and some members bought my CDs, I know they went to good hands. We were not just friends, we’re a family. And from PHB came two more Britney groups, Team Britney Philippines and Britney Philippines.

Untitled3Britney also taught me to watch shows and movies that are unfamiliar, but because of her name, I can somehow say, they became relevant. Ranging from the movies like Austin Powers: Goldmemeber to tv shows like Will & Grace, How I Met Your Mother, Jane9c The Virgin and Glee, I never knew any of these, and I only watched Britney’s parts. But hey, thanks to Britney, she gave them their highest ratings. She also managed to be a judge at X Factor US, a reality talent show, and she became the highest paid judge of all time, for a reality talent search! She was also featured countless times here in the TV shows of my country, such as ASAP, Party Pilipinas, and most recently, Your Face Sounds Familiar where celebrities will become a certain artist and perform like them. She was featured 3 times in this show and was really exciting! Truly a legend!

9In 2011, our first grand event for Britney happened here in the Philippines, the release of her 7th album, “Femme Fatale”! It happened in SM Megamall, and I was one of the ushers. I was so excited. It was a gathering of Britney fans around the country! We felt like it was a mini Britney concert, less Britney. We had fun and we were hopeful that in our next events, Britney would come or rather, will be performing live. And it didn’t stop there. in 2013, when she released her 8th album, “Britney Jean”, we didn’t want to miss this and had another gathering, this time in TriNoma, and we were featured in a TV show in TV5. Another milestone for the Pinoy Britney fans! In October 2016, we also had a gathering for the relese of her most recent album “Glory”.

10639692_920023378027009_3072851205729193784_nI’ve come a long way, and we Britney fans, at last, are seeing her perform live. We never thought that this day will come, we thought that we will remain just part of her song, but now she is here, she has sneaked away to the Philippines and will perform for us. People will say it is a waste of money, that she will just lip, that she is a has-been. People will always call her names, We’ve been through that for years and we don’t care. We love her not just as a performer but, also, as a person. The fact that she is here, still performing, is already a dream come true. Tonight, at the MOA arena, there will be a lot of shouting and dancing to her songs, definitely there will be crying, too, we will be seizing the moment, it may not happen again, we never know, but we will make sure we will make the most out of this once in a lifetime event.

I’ve heard she arrived today by noon, and I am stoked! I am very very excited. Seeing her Untitled4here in my country just brings tears in my eyes. I’m very happy and I can not contain the excitement and the emotions I have now. I’ve waited for years and now it is happening. I may say it over and over, but I will never get tired of it. I am excited, and can’t wait to see her. This is a historical day, totally should be marked the BRITNEY DAY of the Philippines! As she always say, “never ever lose your passion to dream”, because who knows, it might come true one day!